What's it like to be a Coach's Wife

I have always felt a coach's wife was special. They are put into situations that many of us will never know what they go through. Here is a snap shot from a coach's wife


I love what sportsmom wrote on the Drew Newell thread. I cherish some great memories with other families - exciting games, boring games, ridiculous weather (hot and cold) wonderful "vacations", arriving one hour before game time only to find out we’re “running behind”, late nights at the hotel pool, the dreaded continental breakfast etc. However, it all ended for our family once all of our sons began playing HS baseball. I am no longer little Johnny’s mom. I am now the coach’s wife. I understand how painful it is to see your child work really hard and not get the opportunity you think they deserve, but that's not the wife of the coach's fault nor is it his child's. And a lot of times it's not even the coach's "fault" - it's just the way it is. Almost always, the ballplayer knows the deal - he may just not be quite as good, yet. But mom and/or dad don't get it. And I REALLY hate the fact that my sons have always had to be better than perfect to avoid the typical parental criticism of their playing time because their dad is the coach. The coach is not perfect - he makes mistakes, he has biases sometimes, he maybe doesn't always see the whole picture, but there is one thing I know for sure: He loves to coach, he wants to win, and he wants these kids to love playing baseball as much as he does. AND, most of all, he loves these boys.

I usually watch the game alone because there is a definite coolness towards me. I'm okay with it now – but I do miss the camaraderie and have lost some very special long term friendships. I wish parents could walk in our shoes for one season and see what it's like. We want every player to be great - but only 9 get to play at a time. Many, many times, the coach struggles over the line up because he knows some there will be disappointment. Then mom and dad get to the ballpark and see their son isn’t playing and they’re mad and start hoping other players will fail to either get their son in or even more importantly, prove that coach wrong. We have forgotten: baseball is a team sport. It’s a lost concept. But when it's all said and done, in the words of a very wise man, we are not raising shortstops, we are raising young men. Nobody will remember the game to game lineups because in the big picture, it really doesn’t matter. The atmosphere like the one Braves described in Boone Monday night - a result of time tested friendships, mutual respect and kindness, and years of shared experiences - will never be forgotten and will be a source of comfort to a family and numerous buddies who desperately miss their son and friend.

The reality is that it is not practical for the coach to be "in the family" because he's the coach. But my kids are still playing with their "brothers" and I sure do miss my friends!

 

Tough path to go down

My dad taught me to not judge someone until you had walked in their shoes. There are certain things that we cannot even pretend to understand unless we have experienced them ourselves.

 

Its very tough

My wife is a Saint! I am so lucky to have a wife that puts up with me. And I am so luck to have a wife that is willing to put up with what a coaches wife has to put up with. When I first started coaching my wife would come home and tell me all the horror stories from the stands. "You should have heard what so and so was saying." "Mr XXXXX was talking about the line up and how the coaches had no clue what they were doing." On and on she would go. Over the years she realized that no one wanted to sit with her because they couldnt talk about the coaches or the players if they did. She understood that she would have to sit with the other coaches wives and family members. She also understood that if we won it was because of luck or the other team was terrible. And if we lost it was because the coaches didnt have a clue. She also learned why the coaches never had any money after road trips. She came on the bus to a playoff game one time and saw us feeding the boys with no money. "How can a parent send their kid to a game with no money for food?" Now she always stops with the bus on the road to make sure all the boys have something to eat. She has heard it all "He only plays because he's the coaches boy." "He plays because his dad is in the dugout club." "He's not that good the coaches just play favorites."

Being a coaches wife can be lonely. It also means you have to do alot of things by yourself especially during the hs season. Alot of the parents are her best friend when their kid is playing. And then wont speak on the day he is not. My wife works the concession stand with Coach F-3's wife. Missing many of the games her own child is playing. Why? Because many of the parents dont want to miss their kids games. It takes a special person to be a coaches wife. And even a more special person to be my wife I will admit that with no reservations. Most of our parents are great people they treat my wife great. But she is still one of the coaches wives. That means she is out of the circle. She has learned to understand this and accept it as well.

 

SIMPLE!

She loves her husband heart and soul and trusts and will allow him to do what he loves most just as he SHOULD for her! End of discussion!!!

 

I have been both the coaches wife and the 'fan'. I can tell you, being a fan is so much more enjoyable.

As mentioned earlier, the game itself is tough, but for me the days around it were complicated too. My husband, as I am sure is the case with most, didn't take decisions lightly. He wanted what was best for the team and that sometimes involved players and parents getting their feelings hurt. Although he was confident in his decisions (most of the time they were right), he still didn't enjoy the part of watching good kids 'hurt'. After games, analyzing the details and occasional mistakes were hard too. I knew my husbands intentions, but I guess everyone doesn't always see the same man that I do. It's never fun to watch those we love struggle and be criticized, but I have been so proud of the integrity and compassion that my husband showed to all.

The only thing that I can compare a coaches wife to is a pastor's wife. My mom was one of those and the roles are very similar. God indeed made some very special in order to be able to handle all that accompanies these roles!

to all of you!

 

This...

is ME too! TY