For LCLefty: TBR T-Day Adventure

Chapter 1

I worked hard all day on Thanksgiving Eve. I cut down a tree, painted the trim on the house, raked the leaves and cooked a feast for a pack of hungry ingrates…my in-laws.

I just laid my head down when I heard the phone ring. After rubbing my eyes I reached for the phone and my heart started to race. I knew it was not good news. As it turned out, I was right.

“Braves, did I wake you?” Haskell Willingham is a sometime attorney, sometime fishing and hunting guide and a fulltime pain in my neck.

“Haskell, it’s 2:30 in the morning. You better have someone dead…and if not, you better consider it”

“Aw, quit joking around Braves, I have a new car.” You don’t ask Haskell questions, but this one compelled me. Haskell only has one leg and can’t drive.

“I’ll be by in about 30 minutes. Hurry up!” I was screaming as many expletives that I could think of, but the phone went dead.

Five minutes had past when I heard a knocking on my door. When I answered it, I was startled. It was aguyyouknow. “Bravesy, ya ready?”

“Ready? What are you talking about? What are you doing here?”

“Haskell and I have been sitting outside your house. Haskell can’t drive and asked me to” I didn’t know aguyyouknow even knew Haskell. I wasn’t about to ask Haskell about that, so I grabbed my coat and walked to the car. Whatever sleep I had left was now shaken. It was the craziest thing I have ever seen. Haskell’s car was a…boat?

 

Chapter 2



As I got closer to the hideous mobile I saw someone sitting on the bridge. I knew him. “Hey Braves…you want me to “transfer” to the back?” he cackled. It was PlateDad. “ Get in the back," I said "there is a lot of ‘splainin’ to do.” And we all slipped in our captain’s chairs and floated off.

We we’re headed to Boone to find our trees when a blue light was flashing us from behind and forced us to pull over. Two deputies approached our car with what appeared to be handguns and they both came up to my side. “Bravesy, what have you done?” said aguyyouknow. “They don’t look happy.” As I nervously rolled down my window, one of the deputies pushed a microphone in front of my face while the other one flashed his spotlight in my eyes. “Happy Thanksgiving Braves.” It was Stretchy. “Yeah Braves, we’re going with ya” It was Coach27. “But if PlateDad brings up transferring, I’m going to shoot him.”

Coach27 went up on deck and took over the wheel of Haskell’s new car and off we went to Boone seeking our special Christmas tree. Stretchy continued his interview for Stretchlon Stars to be aired at 8:30 Sunday night on whigtv.com. He asked why didn’t dbacks come and how come we weren’t going fishing. Now, I like Stretchy, but why did he have to mention fishing around Haskell.

“Hey, great idea Stretchy. We’ve got time and I know just the place. I got an Indian buddy of mine that knows where we can catch these special fish. It’s the only place in the U.S. you can find them.”

“Ah, Haskell, they are called Native Americans”

“I don’t know what they call them, but we’ll catch some and fry them up for lunch”

“Yeah…great idea” everyone else agreed, but I knew better and forced myself to try to go back to sleep. It was going to be a long day.

Will be continued

 

Great story. I have to ask where you found a car like that. That thing is priceless and I would love to have it parked in my driveway. I am still waiting for you to finish it, are you including every TBR member in preps?

 

Chapter 3

We were going up Hwy 321 when I saw Coach27 and Haskell were talking. Within minutes of Coach shaking his head, he veered right on this road that appeared to go straight up a mountain. You could only go 15 mph as the road snaked up the mountain like ribbon around a barber pole. It was still dark in the mountains and the fog made it eerie. I saw Haskell whispering in Coach’s ear again and when we slowed to about 5mph Haskell and Stretchy jumped out running into the woods like a couple of rabbits. Coach stopped the car and said, “Wait. They’ll be right back”

The sun was starting to rise and the fog was trying to lift when I spotted something moving through the trees. “Get your gun, Coach…. looks like we have company” I told Plate Dad to go check it out, but he was engrossed reading the NCHSAA manual and was oblivious to anything else.

I saw this gross unsightly creature come out from behind some brush. He was unusual looking with skinny legs and a butt that couldn’t fit in a golf cart. He had bulging eyes with one fixed on you while at the same time the other one was revolving in a circle. “Hey Braves”
“Hey Dbacks. So this is where you’ve been”
“Yeah, I come up here in the winter. It’s like I’m hibernating, but really it gives me a chance to get close to nature…and to hide from Haskell. He’s a nut! Speaking of nuts, where’s aguyouknow?”
“He’s in the boat. Down in the bottom. Coach has him believing he’s steering the boat down there”
“Well, go get him and everybody else. We’re going fishing”
“I don’t know where Stretchy and Haskell went?”
“Don’t worry, they’ll show up

 

Is this another to be continued?

 

Yep...sorry, it was a long day with a long story

 

Good to see some humor. Keeps things in perspective. Thanks for sharing.

 

I can't wait for the chapter with One Putt, Coach Evans and LClefty dancing to "Baby got back..."

 

This big fella doesn't dance so well.

 

I know. To watch you guys dance...well...it ain't purty!